Ok. I know it’s annoying to see any body of text start out with the lyrics to Jigga’s Empire State of Mind when referring to NY…but I couldn’t help it. I love cliches. My life is full of them. So why not?
*(Is it a cliche to hate cliche’s?)
The last time I was back in New York was April. I went twice.
The 1st trip was all paid for compliments of J.Yu’s company. J.Yu invited me to be his +1 on his company trip to Jamaica (the island, not the city) so on the way there, we decided to stop by NY for a few days. Again, compliments of his company if you didn’t get that the first time (wooo! free is mah fave).
I was the lucky, chosen one only because his back-up backed out (his first choice was a girl he was tryin to holler at. So basically, I became the back-up to his back-up. So you can go ahead and stop it if you thought there was little somethin’ somethin’ going on between us. I was the last pick.)(I didn’t mind, though. #freetrip)
The 2nd time was with a group of friends from college. We went for Goldie’s birthday and stayed at the W Hotel in Union Square (BTN central. eck).
Some old friends. Some new friends.
Both trips were fun in it’s own way. Having J.Yu be my partner in crime was not too bad since he was pretty much down with most of the things I wanted to do (in particular: attending a Yankees game)(CHECK!).
The group trip was a little hectic since we had to keep doing roll calls to make sure no one was left behind. Don’t get me wrong. I love my friends. But there’s just something about traveling alone that is WAY more appealing to me…
When you travel alone, you don’t have to worry about anyone else but yourself.
You don’t have to worry about holding someone back from anything they’ve had their heart set on, but is too shy to let you know.
You don’t have to sacrifice your time by going along with something you don’t really give a fuck about.
You don’t have to feel pressured to spend more money then you really should.
You don’t have to hold back or compensate for anything.
You don’t have to commit to anything or anyone.
You don’t. You don’t. You don’t!
What do you get instead from traveling alone?
You get freedom.
You have the freedom to stay in, order room service & actually enjoy the hotel room that you’re overpaying for.
If you’re staying with friends, you have the freedom to spend quality, alone time catching up with and not have to be sensitive to the 3rd, 4th or however many wheels you’re lugging around with you.
You have the freedom to not do any touristy things that you’re “supposed” to see/do while you’re in the city you’re visiting.
You have the freedom to stay up until some ungodly hour, finding yourself bearing witness to the rising of the sun.
You have the freedom to be 21 & invincible (or so you think) again getting near black-out drunk and stumbling back to wherever you’re staying.
You have the freedom to make decisions that may seem good at the time but you know you’ll regret in the morning.
You have the freedom to sleep in so late, your first meal might as well be dinner.
You have the freedom to get lost, find your way, get lost again and rinse & repeat until you’ve figured it out. And later find that you’re still a bit lost but you’re ok with that.
You have the freedom to do whatever you want and go wherever the wind takes you.
Freedom. So pure. So simple.
Growing up, my childhood was not like many others (See. Total cliche right there). My world was rocked hard when I was 12 years old and when I turned 15, I became my family’s sole breadwinner. The worker’s permit allowed me to work three jobs during and after school when my friends were off rebelling and gettin into trouble (like normal jr. high/high school kids).
Don’t you dare feel sorry for me though! Shiiettt. Just cause I was workin my ass off doesn’t mean I was a total lamebot.
Somehow, on top of gettin that paper, I also had the time to consistently be on the honor roll, get involved with yearbook, play sports every season (varsity basketball, softball & volleyball. haaaay!) and earn decent grades that allowed me to earn my golden ticket to bizz-ounce from San Jose and off to college.
The homies/soccer team. Check out my chola hair.
Even though I got the hell out of San Jose, I still had obligations and responsibility that I could not escape from. Following the trend I already had going, I picked up 3-4 part-time jobs while hustling around as a full-time college student.
I’m so fuckin hard. I know.
Ever since…ever, I’ve always felt like a lone ranger, a lone wolf amongst my peers and the people around me. Having to grow up fast and dealing with what life has dealt me has given me a different perspective on life, love, family, everything.
It took awhile but what I’ve learn from the past decade or so is that you can’t escape your past. You can’t run away from your problems. You can’t avoid who you are. And you can’t pretend to be anyone else but you. And even if you try. No matter where you run. You just end up running into yourself.
I know all this. I remind myself everyday. But not gonna lie. It’s pretty nice sometimes to pretend.
So whenever I get the chance, I travel. And I prefer to travel alone. Cause to me, traveling is freedom and that’s something I never want taken away from me.
I can leave all my troubles behind for a hot second and just be. I don’t have to be Jenn the breadwinner, Jenn the older sister, Jenn the reliable friend, Jenn this, Jenn that. I am free to be whoever I want to be. Myself.
I get to be me.
Flawed. Broken. Human. Alone.
I get to be a bit selfish, a bit self-centered, a bit all-about-moi. And you know what? It’s completely OK…
And since I can’t afford therapy, traveling will have to do for now.
*Anyway, it’s now 1:18am P/4:18am E time and I just noticed I only have 17 minutes left of battery life on my laptop (the outlet next to my seat is broken #wompwomp). I’m not sure what got into me with writing such a strange post (strange as in…I shared a shit load of info!), but issss cool. I don’t even know if any of this makes any sense, but who gives a fuck. It’s a blog. It’s not an editorial. I’ll write whatever I want.
Ok. I don’t want to end this entry with “penis.” So here’s some quick NY trip updates before my laptop totally dies:
- Staying with friends – Chelsea & Brooklyn.
- Gonna try to turn my brain off/not think/make too many decisions (so friends, if anyone actually reads this…if you wanna hang with me, please make the effort. It would mean a lot to me if I don’t have to exercise my brain)
- Brooklyn Bowl???
- METS game!
- Philanthro New York happy hour event
- Ippudo & Halal Cart
- Views. views. views.
- Uniqlo, Nicola Fomicetti, Topshop – SOHO
- Bump hearts with friends.
- Make new friends (i.e. kick it with strangers)
- Make bad decisions. = Make good stories.
- Just. Fuckin. Live.
*5 minutes of battery life yet. Not going to re-read what I just brain-dumped. See you soon, NY!