Wanna be a — baller, shot caller
Twenty inch blades — on the Impala
A caller gettin laid tonight
Swisher rolled tight, gotta sprayed by Ike
HAHA. I freakin’ love that song.
So it’s been forevar and a yesterday since I’ve touched this blarrhhhg. My bad. Life kinda got a bit cray (even more so than usual) since my trip to NY & DC. It was only last week that I finally uploaded pics from the trip onto my laptop. (hello, LATE).
So speaking of NY…after I landed and settled in a bit at Liz’s spot, I…
TOOK A NAP! hahaha! I hardly had any sleep on the plane so I needed my
cat bear nap. I’m pretty sure Rex thought I was dead. I slept for a good 4-5 hours and missed my chances of going to the Mets game (one day). Poop.
Anyway, when I woke up, I went online (#workaholic) and Google chatted a bit with my brutha from another mutha, Tony. I discovered that after our long conversation a week before, he wrote up a post on HIS blaaahhhg about what’s been occupying my mind as of late.
“What do you want to do?”
just a throwaway question. i was sitting in the void where most people my age tend to end up from time to time. not necessarily being where they are and not necessarily knowing where they want to be. so in an attempt to make company for my misery i asked someone who has and is doing so much, i figured she would know. after a while i got a pretty good answer that i dont think even she knew she was going to say.
what do you want to do? what does that mean to you when you hear it? my job? my life? my evening? i didnt realize how much you can find out about someone by asking them this question. i didnt know how much i had found out asking myself. how they answer it opens the door into who they are and they dont even realize it.
what do you want to do? make more money? where does that take you, being inexplicably rich? you wont have the time to be that rich. you just think that is what will make you happy. or maybe that will make you stand just a bit taller than everyone else in the room. maybe it is the hunger for power, to be the best. it is a lonely place up at the top. more than one lifetime of money never made any sense to me. but it drives people, more than love and passion. it drives people beyond their own self worth. you want to know why you want more money? you wont have the time.
what do you want to do? find a girlfriend, boyfriend, both? you want a significant other so badly, you forget your individuality. you want companionship solely because of your fear of loneliness. the idea intrigues you more than the actual. come action time you dont really understand what it means and what to do. what’s the problem? you dont know what it means to be alone. you compromise yourself to find someone and when you do you will feel more alone than you have ever been. learn to be alone first and once you do someone will enter your life. its a freaking miracle.
what do you want to do? leave a mark on the world? what does that mean? do you even know what it means when you say that? do you think helping out in a soup kitchen once a month is leaving your mark? adopting a foreign child to raise is leaving a mark? donating your hard earned money is leaving a mark? you are just a generous person. but if you want to leave a mark, free some slaves, save the forests, start a revolution. that is leaving a mark. stick to being generous. do not discount your generosity. the world needs more generous people.
so what do you want to do? most people never really think about the question before they answer. keep pressing and keep digging deeper. get pass the surface desires. get to the very core. ask why. in the end you find out who you really are. in the end you find out what really drives you. in the end you find out what you really want to do.
“be passionate about myself” hey now.
So what do you want to do with your life?
When Tony asked me this question I replied with “live it.” I’m surrounded by so many of my friends who complain on the daily about the jobs they have, the people they’re dating, the neighborhood they live in, etc. #snookiewhine
Seriously? If you don’t like the situation you’re in. DO something about it.
Dig deeper. Find what makes you happy. Find direction.
What do you want to do? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to be? What are you passionate about?
Ask yourself. Know yourself. Be yourself.
(rinse & fuckin repeat)
Do I know what I want to do?
Do I know where I want to go?
Do I know who I want to be?
And what am I passionate about?
I’m passionate about myself.